PV Gap

Bessie Said:

Review my story please?

We Answered:

It's definitely an engulfing story, but you really need to paragraph it (I mean double-Enter, not indenting). It's quite hard to read in it's current state.

Also, your adjectives/metaphors tend to contradict each other, and it can throw the reading off. At the first example; "Texas is like some sort of wacky cult and my dad is their God."

A description like "Wacky cult" completely clashes with the description before it. This tended to happen a bit throughout the rest of the story. The planets metaphor in the beginning is another good example of that.

Other than that, I'd love to read the rest!